����������� Book Four, Chapter Four, �It�s a novel way of invading a city.�

����������� 05/04/99 - Bank Holiday Monday and we actually started at 10:30.

The 20th Azura 725 was genocide day for the slug people. We wait at least two weeks. Daniel needs two weeks to recover from the 8 per round wound. �There are two pirates on this island,� says Sir Martyn rubbing his hands. The island is twelve and half miles by twenty-five miles, about the size of Jersey then.

So the entrance to the cave is only visible about once a month, but we know where it is so we could get wet and go into it. We can�t find where the city from the island as the tunnel twists and turns. So that wont work then. A Dolphin familiar? that�s a plan? So Sir Martyn and Aruth go fishing the next day.

Sir Martyn cuts the end off the end a signalling horn and puts part of a waterproof cloak over the end as a diaphragm. They row out and Aruth shouts down the horn in dolphin �Hello dolphins we need your help� for 10 minutes. It attracts about half a dozen sharks, they circle the boat and Sir Martyn rolls down (but still positive) and sets off at a reasonable speed in the wrong direction. So he heads for the shore. Suddenly one leaps out of the water and takes a bite at Aruth. Larani aid me with this rowing manoeuvre, and Aruth goes on opportunity a shark within 20 feet for a Lightning bolt.

Three rounds later a shark leaps out the water and bites Aruth (lots of damage and 3 per round), who Lightning Bolted it - without causing a bleeding wound. 5 or 6 rounds from the shore at this point. But they get safely to the shore and Sir Martyn fumbles the Charm Animal - one round delay and then it got plus its +70 on its save. This goes on for some time - and it doesn�t get much better.

Aruth - �We could be here for days.�

Sir Martyn - �We are here for days.�

After Sir Martyn had to stop casting spells due to one of his fumble results and he finally they listen to Daniel�s suggestion and use some of Aruth�s blood on a rag into the water to attract the sharks. It gets a couple in and Sir Martyn stuns himself for 8 rounds - that will be the 8 rounds they are in close.

Daniel suggests Aruth talks to a gull to see if they know where the other city is. It wasn�t a good plan, just better than the last plan. It didn�t work.

All right forget sharks and dolphins, Sir Martyn will settle for a fish familiar. Why? So we can row around the island with it 600 feet down looking for the city. And when the sharks eat it? He�ll be laid up for a week, fairly badly.

Zytsi�s fishing plan is next. It�s not a great plan, which involves chopped out worms as ground bait. We go fishing. Apparently, ground bait attracts fish to the area. Then it�s a bent pin on a string time, or we could Lightning Bolt the area and stun them all. However Sir Martyn gets his kit off (except for his red chequered underpants) and goes swimming. He sees a fish and Charms it. He has a foot long friendly fish. He swims to the surface.

Sir Martyn asked, �Give me the sack.�

�You�re fired,� chorused the party.

The �haddock� doesn�t want to go into the sack, I don�t blame it. So Sir Martyn has a friendly fish, soon he will be familiar with it. It�s called �Eric the Haddock�, but might be a mackerel, or a trout, or something. So we drag the boat onto the shore and turn it into an aquarium. Sunk on land this time. After three days it doesn�t look to good, so Aruth talks to it. It wants krill, so we change the water more often. Don�t knock it, it (sort of) worked.

On day three the Aruth and Zytsi patrol finds the track of the pirates. Aruth tracks them, what a surprise. Six to eight bipedal creatures attacked the pirates. Aruth looks and one looks like an 8-foot tall humanoid, so they return. That night we hear loud screams on the island. Do we mount a rescue attempt? Well we thought about it, but didn�t do it though.

Wait the week out and Sir Martyn familiarises himself with some kind of saltwater fish, called Eric the Halibut and takes it for a trial run. OK it�s not a great plan but it worked. Next day out again, more sharks. Zytsi and Daniel follow on land, while Sir Martyn and Aruth are in the boat. Sir Martyn thinks it is near some random other island off the coast. We have to cross to it, about mid way Eric the familiar is attacked. He runs away into the boat and into the bucket. This gets their attention and eight sharks attack the boat, but we stay in the boat after a particularly nasty blow. Row, you buggers row, sorry row you noble paladin, row. Buffets the boat lots of time and eventually Aruth falls out.

Aruth climbs in the back of the boat aided by Sir Martyn and Daniel, but two sharks get a bite at him. Lots of damage and a bleeder (only 2 per round). We get to the island. Zytsi runs out of the boat, leaps into the air and jumps 15 feet on to dry land - not getting wet at all. �That was interesting� quoth Sir Martyn, �Oh no it wasn�t� chorused the party. Aruth sticks himself back together, with some help from Sir Martyn once we got to shore.

Ah ha twenty sharks, two ridden by scaly humanoids - sounds like a patrol to me. Zytsi fixes the boat for half a day, to the end of the day even. Watches: two Sir Martyn and Aruth, and then Zytsi and Daniel. Second watch Zytsi sees a bigish cat - puma or something similar. It is out there for an hour skulking about. That�s it.

Next day we find a portcullis underwater, or rather the fish does. Shark patrols with scaly humanoids go in and about once an hour. Lots of sharks, no way up to up by a fish.

So we went hunting for wild boar and track it to its cave. Sir Martyn and Zytsi nobly approach it with a lighted sword and it attacks him. Zytsi smacks it very hard and it�s a mess, but Sir Martyn killed it on the damage. We look for another land-based way in, we fail. But we do find another underwater portcullis. So we work out roughly where the city must be. Under part of the Island by the look of things. Can we dig in to the lair, well yes. We are going to drill for a city. Dugga, dugga, dugga. Khuzdul engineering works out the details, warped in a Sir Martyn sort of way.

A rather complex plan involving Barrier Pits and Khuzdul engineering was evolved. Long stepped trench pits with a parallel borehole for the water, which will come out under pressure like a Water Bolt. Oh the city map is that of City State of the Invincible Overlord. OK so first spell fumble roll was innocuous, the second strayed the barrier pit somewhere else not to be seen again, and the third was innocuous. The missing pit appeared underneath the boat. That took three days, so all wounds finally healed. Done to sea level.

Next day start going down to 80 ft, with the borehole to 90 ft. Nothing. Next day we keep going main shaft to minus 130 and bore hole is 140 ft below sea level. Next day there she blows, only an inch to go from the previous day - whoops. Aruth removes his hand without being hit. It jets out, whoosh, it takes sometime which is indeterminate �cos we couldn�t agree. The nasty lot will either notice or not - depending where it comes out. Send Eric the fish in. A room with a barred window and a 5 x 5 hole in the floor. Carved bits in the walls as furniture. Looks out of the window, an underwater street. Scaly people wandering around, they didn�t notice the mess. Look down the hole, another room. It�s a house basically.

OK so we get in. They haven�t noticed anything going wrong. Better end it now as we can�t finish it in the time available

Flat 1,000 eps each. Next game. It�s the 5th Halane by the way.

There were a few comments (oh all right e-mails) as we stood around the borehole.

Aruth: �I'm only the driver.�

Zytsi: �That shit don't wash no more. You're the Magic User. Danny is the driver these days (of the submarine at least)�

Daniel: �What do you mean I'm the driver!!!!! I'm the bard!!!�

Zytsi: �You've done more driving than singing recently!!�

Aruth: �So, you reckon my covers really blown, do you? 'Spose you might be right :-). PS I've heard you can flog really clean shit as smokeless fuel, 16 pence a ton. Got a bucket?�

Then Sir Martyn Yanyez De Barbudo gave his considered opinion:

That's absolutely right Danny - you have to earn a promotion to driver.

On this mission -

Danny, you're temporary acting junior ensign assigned to the helm. You're also responsible for in-flight entertainment (music). Can you think of anything else you can do to help - sonic attacks? Any area effect spells? Aruth is in charge of the photon torpedoes (light spells) and the cloaking device (we really must get one... if you can think of anything....) Martin is on shields (Guarded temple spell), phasers (crossbow bolts) and long range scanners (Pesky the fish).

ZZ is in charge of the self-destruct mechanism (The Hammer) and impersonating enemy gods. Oh yes, that reminds me - the plan.

Phase 1 - scouting.

Pesky the Fish goes out and looks for the temple. It's unlikely to be inside immediate fish range, but our first effort should give us some idea of the layout of the city - circular (that would be nice), square grid, random etc. We can identify main roads, and look at traffic levels. Whatever the city layout, traffic will increase towards the centre. We'll assume the temple is in the centre. If there are open spaces where Pesky can get longer views that would help.

We could also consider grabbing a citizen, charming them, and asking for directions. We could draw a picture of the God & Temple & use it to ask which way (by pointing). Failing that, there's always the Danger, Enemy Bathroom spell, but that got us into a lot of trouble last time. Still, it's promising. Check your spells to see what you can do.

A last ditch option is to Guess. It will get us there eventually (Larani willing), but it could be a long route.

Phase 2 - transit to Temple

OK, we're on our way. We can't hide the sub. We have no way of cloaking ourselves or it. We're going to be very visible. So... this is where ZZ impersonates the son of the great god Kor.

At first we'll try to sneak using back alleys etc, but I expect that approach to fail instantly. I seem to remember we have a constant stream of people outside the window and no other exits.

So, ZZ stands proud in the prow, in the same pose as the statue of Kor with every glowing Aura we can scrape up running. The rest of us kneel around him. We use the Danger, Enemy Bathroom technique to announce "All hail ZZ, son of Kor". Or just plain "Kneel!", ideally with amplification (if Danny does that). We have the shields up so any attacks against us seem pointless. We nonchalantly ignore them. We go to the temple (probably with a growing crowd following us).

Phase 3 - At the temple

We approach the statue, chisel out the gem, at which point the crowd gets angry and the god animates. God kills crowd, we bugger off, not staying to fight the god unless we have to.

Not one of my maddest plans - only moderately insane. Think about it and be ready with cunning improvements.

Sir Martyn.

To which Zytsi replied:

I have to say at first thought it did seem one of your madder plans, but the more I think about it the more I like it. It's certainly a better fallback plan than anything I can think of. As long as we try the sneaky bit first.

Maybe it's the idea of being worshipped like a God that appeals....

I think the statue is going to be pissed off at having its eye nicked, so I think we ought to assume that we're going to have to fight it.

You forgot Phase 2.5 - Looting the Temple and City �before� we destroy it

"Kneel before the son of Kor, lowly scum ... Oh, and bring us all your treasure."

Zytsi

"And remember, if anyone asks you if you are a God, you say 'Yes!'" - Ghostbusters

To which Sir Martyn Yanyez De Barbudo responded:

The Plan V2.

We grab a citizen, charm him, explain that ZZ is the son of Kor, come in triumph after destroying the city of their enemies, and appoint him as Herald, to lead our procession to the Temple, shouting our proclamation as he goes. Danny provides the heavenly choir. Martin provides holy aura.

It ought to be convincing! It's true. So long as we all start calling ZZ's dad Kor.

Sir Martyn.

PS I bet he leads us to the nearest bathroom.

Zytsi: �Possibly even better. Still a decided lack of treasure mentioned though ....�